Category: prose

#56

If not stars,
give me fairy lights
like you gave me shadows
in the name of men.

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A day “well spent”.

Did not wake up. The entire day! Its so frustrating, because I feel I can hear the fat building up on my skin making it thicker every single second. How do I procrastinate so well, I have no clue. But even if the inverted commas make the highlight of this post, the interesting part is, it was in a way a day well spent.

So what if I did not stay up and was productive the entire day (that’s how the justification of a procrastinator begins), when I was finally awake, I spent that time watching this movie called Frances Ha (2013). It was an interesting piece. For the most of it I was completely involved, following the protagonist and her circumstances. I think what made it even better for me was that I am somewhat going through the same phase – a woman in her 20s trying to understand what she wants to do, and trying to find a purpose (i am vacant in that respect as of now). Another thing, the entire movie is in black and white and I am a sucker for B&W. So thanks to those 1.5 hours, I don’t exactly feel shitty right now. Thanks for listening to my rants.

Hesse and Vacations.

Exams are over, so is the current purpose of my life. The only thing that does not work out with vacations is you loose your purpose. All that time I spent giving my exams, I kept thinking, “when will vacations come??”. Because of course, I don’t want to give exams either. But when vacations do arrive, I spend all my time sleeping. So I picked up something today, which I had been planning to read for a very long time. DEMIAN by HERMANN HESSE! The reason I chose this novel is because the epigraph struck a chord with me. It goes like:

All I wanted to do was try to live the life that was inside me, trying to get out. Why was that so hard?

So lets see what tone does this novel set for my vacations. I just felt like writing something again. I shall revisit with my mood-swings and some spoilers.

One of the best endings. 

​On the whole I talk to no one. I concentrate on the way light would strike filled Mason jars on a kitchen windowsill. I lie here in the sunlight, watch the hummingbird. This morning I threw the coins in the swimming pool, and they gleamed and turned in the water in such a way that I was almost moved to read them. I refrained. One thing in my defense, not that it matters: I know something Carter never knew, or Helene, or maybe you. I know what “nothing” means, and keep on playing.

– Joan Didion